Welcome To My Dys-FUNK-tional World...

Things To Do Before 2010....

2009-11-12T15:44:00.005+08:00

Just a quick note to myself....

1. work on strengthening left knee (for those who didnt know - me busted my ligament about 2 months back)

2. start running again (will aim to do Sydney/Melbourne and Angkor Wat runs in 2010)

3. finish off my Marketing Management assignment (*groan*)

4. house-train Ninja

5. maybe mountain-bike again (mental note to self - buy some body armours first)

10.

I'm Back....

2009-11-12T11:56:00.003+08:00

It's been a while.... decided to swing back into action. Let's see how long this lasts.....

Angkor What?

2006-07-14T01:08:00.004+08:00

The temples of the old Khmer empires in Angkor (Siem Reap) in Cambodia are truly amazing and a must see for anyone interested in ancient cultures. Beaooooooooutiful country (although I only saw Siem Reap), expensive (and tasteless) food, even more expensive Coca Cola, extremely crazy tuk2 drivers, cars with no license plates, and did I mention the f*#king amazing temples??? Oh, home to some really cute and gorgeous children too! (Maddox is NOT the only cute Cambodian kid around).

For a country ravaged by so much poverty and sadness and cruelty, people there are surprisingly friendly - I suspect the locals secretly consume pizzas everyday (private joke probably only understood by people who have visited the place).

Back to the temples..... too many to see, and too little days. 2 that should NOT be missed are the obvious ones - the world famous Angkor Wat, and the not-so-distant-behind-in-popularity Ta Prohm (due to 2 reasons and 2 reasons alone - Lara Croft's boobies). How did humans build these giant temples with giant stones mined from hundreds and thousands of miles away over 900 years ago? NO FREAKING WAY!!!! Aliens, I tell you. Aliens! And here's my reasons why:

Restoration works require 200m high cranes to carry and move bricks around
The biggest religious site on the planet
1,000 temples covering about 200 square kms? C'mon!!!
Structures so large - humanly impossible to make, move, carry, stack, etc.....

Angkor Wat - only one word to describe it - f*#king amazing! Okay, two!
See it to believe it.

NOTE: This blog is dedicated to Lat, our tuk2 driver, who nearly lost his life (and of our friend's too) - no thanks to Italy and France going overtime and all the way to penalty kicks.

Kuala Lumpur - 3rd "Rudest" City In World

2006-06-23T15:27:00.004+08:00

A definite taboo topic amongst Malaysians. I think Reader's Digest was being kind when they mentioned this. Personally, I think the statistics should be analysed closer.

Just look around us....
How many people do you see on a daily basis that you would do your utter most to avoid becoz you think they're a little insane in the membraine?
How many times do you say the following to yourself or outloud (consciencely or unconsciencely), or how many people do you think feels the same about you?

Last but not least.... think about it,

Different Shite, Same Smell....

2006-06-22T16:22:00.001+08:00

This is an ode to our favourite daily routine - that dreaded word called WORK. To comfort myself, and the millions who suffer the same allergy to work as me, I did a quick Google on the worse jobs one could possible have! And these are the worse of the worse of the worse jobs in the world! Ever!!!

If your job doesn't include scooping shit or cleaning carcasses then you ain't got nothing to complain. Welcome to the dys-funk-tional guide to crap jobs. Read them & weep. And spare a thought for these poor souls.

The Top 10 List of Worse Jobs on Planet Earth (in no particilar order):
(Best part about these jobs are, as nonsensical as they may sound, I just can't imagine how our lives would function properly without these people! Honestly!)

1. Nappy Sorter
One lucky woman in the US spends her day sorting through thousands of used baby nappies before they are bleached, cleaned and reused. Cleaning one nappy every two seconds, the colourful contents often drip onto her shoes. No matter – she merely uses the next nappy to clear up the offending spillage and moves on without even a pause for thought.

2. Animal Masturbator
Researching animal fertility or artificial insemination poses one rather obvious problem: how is the sperm extracted in the first place? Researchers who want animal sperm have a number of less-than-attractive options at hand. Electroejaculation involves a rectal probe being used to send pulses of electricity through the ‘lucky’ animal’s nether regions. In the case of gaining semen from dairy bulls, an artificial vagina known in the trade as an AV is commonly used. Apparently, bulls soon learn what’s going on and follow instructions. Digital pleasure, which is used on pigs and even turkeys, involves the animals being administered a more, er, traditional method of relief.

3. Pesticide Drinker
According to Discover magazine, you can get up to $200 a day for testing pesticides. No US laws govern such practises, and an industry spokesman commented, “It surely kills fewer people than drinking alcohol does and it also pays the victims, rather than having the victim pay.” We can’t help but think he’s missing the point.

4. Flatus Odour Judge
While odour judges might be used by dental companies researching the efficiency of toothpaste or mouthwash, one Minneapolis gastroenterologist recently paid two brave souls to indulge repeatedly in the odours of other people's farts. 16 healthy subjects volunteered to eat beans and insert plastic tubes into them. The gas was collected and inhaled by the odour judges.Remember that next time you want to complain about a funny smell coming from the office fridge.

5. Isolation Chamber Tester
“Imagine taking a car trip cross-country with your family. Now imagine that it lasts for months on end, that you can't open the windows, and that you can never get out of the car.” That's how Marc Shepanek, NASA's Deputy Chief for Medicine in Extreme Environments, once described the severe psychological challenge that astronauts face on long-distance space missions. But at least they’re going somewhere. Just imagine the torture of the men and women picked to test the immobile isolation chambers on the ground. At NASA, space engineers responsible for on-board life-support systems regularly spend months at a time in uncomfortable captivity to test the equipment. Extra cash? No. Still not convinced? You try recyling your own urine for drinking water. Then repeat it a dozen more times over the next 91 days. Exactly.

6. Carcass Cleaner
Natural history museums display clean white skeletons or neatly stuffed animals, but their field biologists drag in rather less attractive specimens, commonly carcasses ripe with rotting flesh. Each museum's onsite taxidermist has his own favourite technique for sprucing his specimen up to display standards. One zoologist swears by his preferred strain of flesh-eating buffalo-hide beetles, while Jeppe Møhl at the University of Copenhagen Zoological Museum deposits sperm whales and dolphins into vast empty tanks and lets nature take its course. Finally there's the old Fatal Attraction boiling method which is useful for samples that even the bugs won't touch. It’s an approach favoured by archaeologist Sandra Olsen, who can only say of boiling down tough old hyena paws: "It felt like inhaling the gases would literally kill us” Luckily for her it merely gave her a lung infection.

7. Sewage Plant Gate Cleaner
Working in a sewage treatment plant is a grim proposition at the best of times. But some lucky individuals are plucked from obscurity to scrub the gates that filter out all the ‘material’ from the water as it passes through the plant’s cleaning cycle. Not so much ‘diving for pearls’ as ‘diving for turds’, then.

8. Asbestos Remover
The developed world now has a clear understanding of the risks of being in close proximity to asbestos (lung cancer, heart disease, skin complaints, infertility) and it is no longer used as a building material. Luckily, it is now uniformally being removed. One poor soul explains, ‘All day I crawl around in dirt, grime, and spiders in my underwear inside an air-tight suit wearing a very uncomfortable respirator. Millions of asbestos fibres float around me, getting in my hair and eyes. I would be a prison guard any day of the week over an asbestos remover. This is by far the worst job in the world.’

9. Endangered Species Ecologist
Think your job is pointless? Can’t see where you’re going or why you even bother turning up to work anymore? Try being an Endangered Species Ecologist. The lush island of Hawaii (okay, it sounds pretty good so far, granted...) has 34 bird species on the endangered list. Half a dozen of these feathered friends haven't been seen for decades, but faithful scientists don't have the heart to declare them extinct. Probably just havent found proof that they are extinct.

10. Armpit Odour Sniffers
The cosmetics industry goes to great lengths to ensure that you smell good. The effectiveness of both deodorants and antiperspirants is still tested in the old fashioned way, by the human nose. Volunteer 'sniffers' smell the pits of up to 60 subjects an hour, taking three sniffs per pit, and rating offensive odours on a scale of 1 to 10. There might be the start of a good science fair experiment here... actually, maybe not!

and a special mention goes out to... Taxi Drivers
The job you’re most likely to be murdered while doing. Enough said. Unless of course, you're a Colombian drug lord.

So, next time you wake up in the morning and dread the thought of your coming hours spent at work, be thankful instead....

Or worse... you could have MY job!!!

World Cup vs Work... Who Shall Prevail?

2006-06-16T18:55:00.001+08:00

As every human alive in the world should know by now, WC2006 started 9 June 2006. And since then, many have endured sleepless nights, endless banter about past games, cursing and swearing at referees and players alike, shouting and screaming like madmen, etc. I'm sure many of us are familiar with these scenarios - either experiencing it personally or being stuck in a relationship where your other half is :)

Work takes a back seat, as do eating, sleeping, relationships, family, children, etc....

But before jumping to any conclusions as to who the eventual winner might be, let's explore the facts (for arguments sake)....

FACT A:
World Cup - a wonderful event which draws together the human race comes along once every 4 years. Effect is highly contagious. Usually airs on telly in ungodly hours of night (at least in this part of the world), unless you're one of the select 2m+ people lucky enough to catch it live.

FACT B:
Work - a routine which plagues 73.716% of the human race, occurring 5 days a week (sometimes more), 8-10 hours a day (almost always more). Some call it a trade, profession, a means of livelihood. I call it cheap labour, slavery. B-O-R-I-N-G as hell..... unless of coz your Hugh Hefner!

FACT C:
Hypothetically, World Cup football matches eats up only 90-mins of a person's time per session.... but has been proven to be highly inaccurate. More likely to consume thoughts for duration of his/her waking hours (and some sleeping hours). Lasts about 2 months.

FACT D:
Most humans are at work physically 9am-7pm. But usually found wanting when it comes to actual working hours. Work hours more frequently littered with activities like personal emails, instant messaging, internet surfing, phone conversations with other halves/friends, day-dreaming, long lunches, banking, etc...

FACT E:
Even the word WORLD CUP sounds more appealing than WORK. Anything that encompasses the word "world" or "universe" sounds more interesting than something that doesn’t. Obvious examples include: Miss Universe vs Miss Earth. Mr Universe vs Muscle Man...

And the winner is......
As if there was ever a doubt.

Success is getting what you want, Happiness is wanting what you get....

2006-05-29T16:25:00.000+08:00

Wahliao! I didnt know I had such philosophical friends!

Sheds some light on why some extremely successful people may not be as happy as you think they will be. It probably takes a heck of a lot of effort to get where you want to be, you sometimes lose sight on why they wanted to get there in the first place.

I guess this bellies a lot on how people were brought up. Parents today put so much pressure on making money, getting a good job, running a successful business, driving expensive cars, living in gigantic house in a exclusive area, etc..... That is the measure of happiness in the world we live in today, when in fact it should be the measure of success. Think the distinction between those 2 definitions got lost somewhere along the way.

Admittedly, I am a pretty happy soul. Maybe becoz I am not exactly as successful as I should/could be. But it's a choice I made in life. So what if I dont have an expensive car or a nice house, and that I am still living at home :P It is, after all, MY life. And MY choices. At least I got to enjoy and live life the way I want to. Well, most of the time, at least.

I have met people who are not relative well-off financially, but they seem to perpetually have a smile on their faces. I also know many successful people who frowns on their faces like they are constantly in worry. Of coz there are also cases of UNsuccessful and UNhappy people around, as well as the successful AND happy ones.

But given the choice, which would you choose?

Today Is My ex-Company CEO's Birthday, So We Decided To SMS Him Together....

2006-05-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

This was a fun exercise. Thank you for everyone's support. HAHAHAHAHA.
Took us 15mins to gather about 10 ex-staff to do the SMS broadcast.
And what a good sport of Mr Italian Sausage to reply our SMSes.

So Many Works, Too Little Time...

2006-05-17T18:37:00.000+08:00

I dont even know where to start to comment on something like this.
WTF is that supposed to mean? C'mon!!!

This would potentially qualify for inclusion into the Bad English signboard picture websites usually associated with those found in China/Japan.

For all I care, your status message should have read: SO MANY WORKINGS, TOO FEW TIMES!!!
Funnily enough, this actually makes a heck of a lot more sense to me (but then again, I dont expect you to get it).

'Nuff said.

Istanbul II In FA Cup Final....

2006-05-15T18:46:00.000+08:00

After a cup final such as the one experienced in Istanbul last season, my expectations were low heading to this game. I just had a bad sense about it, and felt we were on a "lose-lose" situation: no praise if we beat a dangerous West Ham side, an embarrassment if we didn’t. And besides, nothing could top May 25th 2005, and nothing could come close.

Or so I thought.

What was achieved on Saturday 13th May 2006 still ranks far lower in the grand scheme of things, given the FA Cup is not the European Cup, and that West Ham are not AC Milan by any stretch of the imagination. Add that Cardiff is most definitely not Istanbul, no matter how much beer you may have drunk, and that 2-0 down after 30 minutes to a good side is not the same as being 3-0 down at half-time to a superb one, and you have a list of reasons why this could not come close to the events of 12 months ago.

But that said, what a game of football! As one West Ham fan remarked later in the evening, ‘Football was the winner’. Which is of course something you never say if your team has just won. For the record, ‘Football’ hasn’t just been engraved onto the FA Cup on the 125th line – ‘Liverpool Football Club’ has.

6 goals, 8 penalties, 3 penalty saves, and many tired legs later.... all hail the FA Cup Champions!
It may be heart-stopping and not particularly good for our health but there surely isn't a Liverpool fan alive who would have preferred a mundane one-nil win.

Withdrawal Symptoms...

2006-05-08T16:23:00.000+08:00

This status is entirely mine - brought about by the imminent end of the current 2005/2006 season's football leagues. More specifically the English Premier League. More specifically, Liverpool!!!

What am I to do after that? Saturdays and Sundays (and sometimes Tuesday/Wednesdays - for Champions League) will not be the same. No more shouting and cheering, no more cussing, no more missing dinners with friends, no more Monday morning office chat-chat on the games, no more...... football!!! Be prepared to see an endless number of depressed-looking men (and some women) from now forth.

These last 2 seasons have been a renaissance of sorts for Liverpool. Coming from nowhere to win the Champions League last season (and in some fashion too, I may add). And this season, finishing 3rd behind ManUtd and Chelski. Plus, we have the bonus of the FA Cup to play in a couple of days' time. So much improvements. It's a pity it's got to end so soon. Let's hope the close season brings Liverpool some exciting new players that will finally make us championship-worthy material.

It's a funny thing this game called football - Many are able to sacrifice sleep for football (sometimes only taking in 2 hours sleep a night), without jeopardizing work performances too much. We're better off having had 3 hours of live adrenaline-pumping football than 8 hours of sleep!!! Can anyone explain this phenomenon? True, World Cup starts 9 June. But it just aint gonna be the same as watching me beloved Liverpool.

As such, as an ode to Liverpool's showing this season, I would like to take this opportunity to list my Liverpool Top 10 Happenings from this season:

10. Momo Sisoko - The Energizer Kid... never seems to run out of steam! What a find!
9. Champions League qualification (despite finishing 5th last season)
8. FA Cup wins over Man Utd and Chelski (what a wonder goal by Luis Garcia as well)
7. Welcoming back God's to the Kop
6. StevieG - PFA Player of the Year
5. 3rd placing in EPL (and only 9 points behind Chelski)
4. Xabi Alonso - The True Passing Maestro!
3. 7-0 drubbing of Birmingham (5-1 Fulham comes close)
2. Jamie Carragher - The Rock!!! Liverpool runs in his veins!!! Long Live Carra!
1. 2006 FA Cup champions??? (potentially)

It will be a long walk to August, when the EPL starts again.... but it will be a walk that I will not be taking alone.

The Happiest People Are The Biggest Farks Around...

2006-05-02T19:03:00.000+08:00

Happiness stems from 2 sources - contentment and purposeless-ness (or irresponsible-ness, whichever way you want to see it).

However, there is a fine line between contentment and purposelessness. Purposelessness, in my books, are made up of the guys/gals who are either:
1. filthy f*cking rich, oblivious to how much sufferings there are in this world
2. dumb as f*ck, oblivious to everything and anything around them
3. government-aided, without a care whatsoever in this world!

I think Malaysia is generally made up of such "happy" people - 5% from the first group, and 65% from the other 2 groups. These people are BORN into these groups. Unfortunately for you and me, we are the 30% who do not make up that group. I use the word "unfortunately" not becoz we are NOT them, but becoz it means we are almost constantly surrounded by these f*ckers. hahahaha. I HATE THESE PEOPLE!!! These people may say that they're a happy bunch of people, but to me, these are the BIGGEST FARKS you will ever meet in your life - the people who laze around all day at work, the people you curse on the road, the people who expects you to do their work for them, the people who sit around all day winging that the government doesnt hand them enough charity, etc.... Lightning could strike 1-2-3 and kill all these people tomorrow for all I care, and no one would miss them. The only people who might miss them would most probably perish with them.

Truly happy (ie contented) people, on the other hand, are the ones you see who have exceeded their own expectations in life - found true love, close family ties, real friends who actually care, stable employment, good health, started and built a successful business, money in bank, or whatever other goals they may have set themselves to achieve.... These people have a purpose for living, and they MADE their lives happy. THESE PEOPLE I ENVY!!!

Dont get me wrong, I am happy with my life... but I wouldnt go as far as saying that I am truly happy and contented. I still have some things that I have not achieved yet in this short lifetime of mine. I classify myself as being 74.298% happy.

Save Water, Drink Beer!

2006-04-27T19:49:00.000+08:00

Very interesting quote! Never thought of it that way. Thank you for enlightening me....

I feel pretty good about myself knowing how I have contributed to the environment over the course of my life without even realising it - in fact, so much so that I think if I had pursued it, I may even have been awarded a Green Peace Environmental Award. Or badge. Or whatever. Heck, I think I have probably 'saved' enough water to be a lifetime recipient of the award.

Drinking beer doesnt just save the environment's water - it has other benefits to human life too! It makes the world a better place to live in - in one way or another. It build camaraderie, increases happiness levels, liven up parties, reduces suicide rates (happy people dont wanna die), improves cognitive functioning (for those who dont drink beer, this means it makes you smarter), cures insomnia (meaning: sleep better), lowers risks of cardiovascular diseases, etc... it's not rocket science, really!

And being the environmentalist that I am, I managed to 'save' 3 mugs of water this afternoon!

Am I Gay?

2006-04-26T18:52:00.000+08:00

First things first - I am NOT homo-phobic! Just need to get that outta the way.

My reasoning here is that - for someone to ask that "Am I Gay?" question about himself is probably asking for it. Are you seriously expecting a straight (pun intended) answer to that? hahahaha.

There may be some questions about yourself that you may not be the best judge of, but I would think your sexual preferences shouldn't be one of them.

How hard can it be? Do you prefer guys or do you prefer girls? Or maybe you have preferences for both sexes. Straight up - A, B, or C answers.... There is no 'maybe a little of A and B' answers. Multiple choice. No twists or turns or potential hidden ideas behind the answers.

Having said that, there might be that chance (surprising as it may be, this statistic is probably a growing trend today) the person might have a preference for bestiality acts.... But let's safe that story for another day.

And just for the record: I'm not gay; not that there's anything wrong with that!

My Deteriorating Existence

2006-04-24T17:11:00.000+08:00

- Do you feel that life has been unfair to you?
- Do you feel that your existence on this planet is just to make up the numbers so that the rich/powerful have more subjects to feel superior over?
- Are your favourite phrases: "I am depressed", "I feel miserable", "Life sucks", "They are bad", "I hate myself", "I can't do it"?
- Do you feel that you are living less as the days go by, and are just merely staying alive?
- Do you feel that you have forgotten the real reason you are living?

If you answered YES to any of the above, WAKE UP!!! The problem is not the world. Have you thought about where the root of the problem lies?

Sit back, close your eyes, have a breather, and think.....
- Has life really been unfair to you?
- Were you not born with all your limbs intact and food on the table to feed your hunger?
- Do you not have eyes to see?
- Did you not have the love and affection of family and friends (and sometimes even strangers) who have touched your heart in one way or another?

Heck, you're reading my blog - which means you have had the pleasure (and fortune) to afford a decent computer and internet access... what else can you complain about?

True, there may have been some downs in your life, but my philosophy in life is that there are no losers.... only quitters! Even a perfectly happy woman who starts saying to herself "I feel miserable, I hate myself" once every five minutes... even she would feel depressed. Heck, even her family and friends may be affected.

These kind of self-obsessive thoughts blind us to the needs of our family and friends, and we do nothing to help them. As a result, we receive less positive feedback and love from them, and also less simple satisfaction and joy of making them happy.

Morale of story: If you repeat your problems to yourself often enough, it will all come true!

Positive affirmations can have strong therapeutic effects; "Other people are much worse off than me", "I can help others", "I am OK". And not just upon yourself, but your aura will also live on in others. (ceh-wah, my phylosophical self talking)

Remember, tomorrow is a brand new 24 hours. Even today, there is still a couple of brand new hours awaiting us. Wake up before you lose your day. Life's not that bad, is it?

If all else fails, freat not - there's always Blues music... or Daniel Powter's "Bad Day"!

Creditors have better memory than debtors!

2006-04-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Interesting observation. Makes you wonder how easy people forget once they have gotten/received that favour from you. Especially when it comes to money!!!

When they're desperate for money, they are like your best friends. Actually, more like a bloodsucking leech that doesnt want to remove itself from you - hanging around you 24/7, the constant phone calls, the "masterplan" of why they need the money, and face thick as brick - with the intentions of asking for some money with the promise to pay you back in due time with interest rates that will make even loan sharks salivating for their business!

Once money has been transfered or handed over, dont be surprised if they magically turns into Harry Houdini with the disappearing/escape act still intact. Flash Gordon wouldnt be able to catch up with them.

And in the remote chance that you do suddenly bump into them after much searching, you should probably expect the following reactions:
a) dont worry, i will pay you back your money. give me your bank details, and i'll transfer the money to your account next week.
b) aiyo, you so rich... what's the hurry?
c) hey, long time no see. eh, can you wait for a while, need to go to the toilet. (and promptly disappears... again!)
d) how's business? oh, you wanna come check out my new Merc SLK parked outside?

kinda makes a mockery of a famous saying...
Forget favours you have bestowed, Remember those you have received.

But sometimes, just sometimes, an exception to the rule may work in the lender's favour - if lending someone $20 means never having to see that person again, it was probably worth it!!!

Mistrust makes life difficult, Trust makes it risky!

2006-04-20T19:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmmmm, food for thought indeed! Never thought it of that way, but couldnt agree more.... Think about it - who else would be able to commit the ultimate sabotage than your own best friends or family. I may not be much of a strategist (in fact, dont think I'm much of anything), but one of my all time favourite quotes is Sun Tzu's "be close to your friends, closer to your enemies!".

Imagine if your so-called "best" friend decides to be an arse and rats on you. Or that your so-called "best" friend was only there in your times of need becoz he/she needed some juicy tales to use when he/she eventually decided to blackmail you for a brand new SLK in exchange for keeping his damn mouth shut. Only God knows what kind of skeletons will be released from the closet. Even you may not know what poppycock may be fabricated to insinuate you.

So, next time you're looking for someone to share your deepest darkest secrets with.... just talk to your imaginary friend. Or that teddy bear you have on your bed. Or if you really need to see a real-life moving person, stand in front of the bloody mirror!!! (Just make sure no one else sees you doing this, might be a tad embarrassing). Or start a blog. You dont expect any advice anyway, so why the need to talk to someone? You have been warned.

But if you're still looking for a "best" friend to share your classified, confidential, secrets.... you can always trust me! ;)

Good Boys Go To Heaven, Bad Boys Get The Chicks....

2006-04-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaha. How many times have we heard that line? We all secretly harbour that wish we could be that "bad" boy that girls love having flings with. Even if it were for a week. Or a day. Or even an hour.

However, I dont think I am in the position to say anything more on this for fear of getting in trouble with my other half (yes, the years have taught me much about things like this - but that's another story). But still, I couldn't resist the temptation to share this YM status with you all - how true (or untrue) you may think it is.

And just for argument sake, I am probably one of the exceptions - good boy getting the chick! :)

Hypocrites Should Be Shot Dead...

2006-04-18T18:56:00.000+08:00

HYPOCRITES - Dont we all just love them to pieces? So much so that it would please us to death to be able to blow them away into tiny little pieces of scrap. I like to refer to them as "a waste of sperm".

How much fun is it walking around constantly wearing a "mask", conning people and feigning oneself to be what he/she is not? How do people like that sleep at night? False pretenders simulating piety. Do these people actually believe that we cannot see through their deceit and lies? Maybe not all the time, but eventually words spread.

Well, I have only one thing to say to you... actually, I dont. Waste of my breath.

But if I had to pity them, it would be for purely one reason and one reason only - it's so so sad that they do not have the chance to really know and learn about themselves. They're too busy playing someone else. Maybe, just maybe... deep deep deep down, really deep down, under some rocks and beneath the crater, they MIGHT just be reasonably "nice" people. I guess we'll never know.

However, for sake of not wanting to be bias, I can think of more people I would like to see get shot!
1. Traffic Policemen
2. Bad Drivers (including road hogs)
3. Incest Offenders
4. Fat Ugly Women
5. Obnoxious People
6. Rich People (this stems from pure jealously!!!)
7. The Spice Girls - not Ginger, Scary, Posh, Sporty and Baby, but the ones working in KL Sentral whom I shall keep anonymous (you know who they are!)
8. Ex-girlfriends
9. People with BO
10. Micheal Learns To Rock

Anyone has anymore to add to the list?

Hmmmm... Stories Flying Around Are Getting Juicier

2006-04-13T12:40:00.000+08:00

You know what...
You wouldnt believe what I just heard....
Did you hear about....
Promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you...
Jack told me that....

Havent we all done our fair share of gossiping. That weakness to share that secret (sacredly pledged just 10-mins ago) with someone, just to show off that you got news of it first. Then comes that craving to twist the truth to exaggerate the situation. That same very urge to add just that little bit of drama to spice up the story.

Gossip seeps through every corners of our lives - every dinner table, every bathroom stalls, every work cubicle, every city malls. In fact, gossip seeps through our very veins - keeping us alive!

Gossip is entertainment for most people... as long as it's not about them!

A poem I came across many weeks back - interesting read!

I have no respect for justice.
I maim without killing.
I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted the more I am believed.
I flourish at every level of society.
My victims are helpless; they cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody's friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and ruin marriages.
I end ministries set up by God.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartache and indigestion.
I spawn suspicion and generate grief.
I make headlines, headaches and heartaches.
I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
Even my name hisses.
WHO AM I? I AM GOSSIP.

Did I just hear a collective gasp of disbelief amongst the gossip kings and queens of Malaysia (and the rest of the world), followed by a half-full cup of realisation that the statement above is indeed..... true?

Is It All About The Money, Honey?

2006-04-11T18:26:00.000+08:00

M-O-N-E-Y!
a.k.a: ka-ching, duit, bucks, cash, dough, moolah, dollar, Oprah Winfrey, etc.

Everyone's favourite indulgence and taboo! When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

With $$$, comes status, respect (sometimes), a bunch of "yes" men plus that $125k watch, $3.5m yatch, $50k holidays, $5.2m villa in the Bahamas, etc... you get my drift! With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well too!

How money make the world go round. Money has so much impact on our very existence that it was only a matter of time before..... wait a minute, EVERYTHING IS ALREADY ABOUT THE MONEY!!! I admit I'm guilty of it myself at times. Actually, many times. A lot of time. All the time. But experience, observation, judgment, and know-how over the years have made me realise (and accept) that I am probably not in line to be the next Bill Gates. Not even close. In fact, I'm probably as far away from that as one can get from being that! hahahaha.

But have you stopped for just one minute to ever wonder.... why has $$$ become such an important commodity in this world? To you. To everyone.

Easy for me to say.... hahaha. I think I'm having an "Out-Of-Money" experience!!!

The Conspiracy, The Idiots, The Cowards and The Bitch...

2006-04-06T17:20:00.000+08:00

Having had experience of being tangled in a web of lies, empty promises and deception in my last job, i can definitely relate to the status my ex-colleague posted on her IM today. It's got all the ingrediants for a pretty darn interesting movie.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing "The Radius Connection" (we might just be staring at the first global blockbuster from Malaysia)

Main Plot (aka Conspiracy)
- An international white-collar crime drama, starring a husband/wife team committing illegal, wrongful, and subversive acts of crime
- Headquartered in the dark (no pun intended) corners of Brickfields, this "Italian Mafia / Chinese Communist"-plotted espionage stretches to every corner of the world (from Singapore to Australia to USA to UK to India)

Main Actor (aka The Bitch)
- The lewd, loud, spiteful and overbearing mastermind of "The Radius Connection" operation (unfortunately seem to have left "mind" somewhere else)
- Hardly seen in HQ, only seen during routine "Dr"-prescribed Anger Release Therapy sessions
- Lives in own imaginary GohOneKnee world of denial (somehow seem to think she is "gwailo" - born and bred in Australia - but is in fact born in small village of Muar)
Favourite Phrases: In all my years of working experience, Why is everything so slow???, I wished I had a son just like him...

Supporting Actor (aka The Coward)
- The Bitch's "Dr" husband (or whoever else fronting "The Radius Connection" operation in "Dr"'s absence), always showing ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain (i.e. when speaking to The Bitch)
- Best friends with Idiots, manipulating Idiots into carrying out dirty deeds for The Bitch
Favourite Phrases: No distinguishing dialogue, just repeats after The Bitch...

Extras (aka The Idiots)
- The Bitch's loyal servants, ready and willing to cater to her every whimper and desire, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant
- Similar role to Coward, except Idiots do not know what they're getting themselves into... in fact, Idiots dont really know much about anything at all
- The guys who would normally end up bankrupt and/or loses arm/leg/eye and/or dead and/or shot and/or in jail
- Usually portrayed by person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers
Favourite Phrases: Yes, Can be done, When do you need it?

The Radius Connection is already a very popular Reality TV series airing right here in KL (everyday from 9am-6pm). However, uncontented with just being infamous in Malaysia, The Bitch is planning on going GLOBAL...

Anyone's got Ron Howard or Brian Singer's contacts?

Driving Merc To Interview...

2006-04-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

First, some background - This good friend of mine owns a pretty damn successful business of his own, has 30+ staff on his payroll, and drives a Proton Wira! I am assuming he interviewed a potential candidate and he/she came in driving a Mercedes! A fresh grad looking for a job, pulling up in a Merc to your office.... talk about trying to deflate your potential boss' ego!

My first question: Why do parents buy Mercedes for their kids to drive on a daily basis??? To compensate for their lack of love, time, affection and attention to their kids?

My next question: How do they bloody afford it??? If their kids drive Mercs/BMWs, they would probably be driving a __________ (fill in the blank yourself).

Reminds me of a story back in my days I was a kid in a small, humble and laid-back "beach" town on the East Coast of Malaysia, when we got excited just getting the latest Vanilla Ice music cassettes or $200 mountain bikes... and a school mate of mine got a brand new BMW 318i as a pressie when he got his driver's license! He was 17.

I can still picture him pulling into the school carpark in his silver BMW every morning.... and then him changing his punctured tyres every afternoon after school. Yes, EVERYDAY!!! Hahaha. And shiny BMW soon became full-of-scratches BMW. Almost every kid who walks past the car either deflates his tyres, or had a key (or coin, or nail-clipper, or stone, or whatever else) in hand. Me included. Yes, me! Mr Angel "goody-goody-two-shoes" Boy!

Stylish as his BMW may be, the impression he had wanted to portray comes crashing down when you see his overweight mass labouring away in his sweat-drenched uniform changing his punctured tyres!!! Or when his mom came to school (twice!) to address every classroom individually on the (im)moral(ity) of our (mis)behaviour. Instead of being the school's style icon, he became the school's court jester.

Why did we do it? Jealousy? Probably not. Peer pressure? Nopes. Thinking back, it was most definitely for the fun of it. Hahahaha. Oh, and no one was ever caught! Maybe probably becoz the prefects and teachers may have been in it themselves too! That's a thought.... (scenario: 36-year-old teacher slaving away on minimum wage sees snotty 17-year-old student prancing around in brand new BMW).

Call him dense or call him persistent... maybe he really did love his car very much - enough to have to go through all the torture just to enjoy a 5min drive to school. I've never personally owned a BMW to truly appreciate the driving pleasures of its historical European marques, but c'mon!!! How much fun is it REALLY to drive a BMW???

5mins of fun in BMW > 17 new scratches + 30mins of changing punctured tyres everyday?
You do the maths.

Just goes to show how ignorant, self-absorbed and dim-witted some rich some people can be. And then some more. And a little bit more.

Mental note to self: When my kids grow up, they buy their own cars with their own money! (not that I can afford to buy them one anyway, but that's another story)

Have You Ever Wondered...

2006-04-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

ever wondered what weird nonsense goes through people's minds everyday? nah, neither have i. hahahaha. but being an avid instant messaging user, i have noticed many interesting IM status messages posted by my friends, colleagues, long lost friends, enemies, strangers, street vendors, etc....

some have raised curiosity (at least to me). i have to say, i am NOT a very curious soul. so, i was thinking.... if some of these phrases can get me thinking about what nonsense the other party may be going through, it MUST be worth at least a mention!

but then again, many of these status messages can (and will continue to be) ignored completely. no offense intended.... and none taken!

hence, let this be my contribution to the world. call it an ode to instant messaging, or just plain useless jabber to waste 15mins of my time everyday. your call. you decide. i'm just trying to kill 15mins of my time :)